I am beyond the point of return for my temporary lay off. I don't think I'm going back. I hate not working, so I have been looking for a job here and there, but I guess now it's time to begin in earnest. I know for a fact I am not in this position for no reason. The question would be, what is the reason? Am I here because there is something special in store for me, some job not available yet? Am I here to reorient my life, set new goals that God wants me focused on? Am I just being disciplined for some deep hidden sin? I know God has used "cleanness of teeth" as a way to discipline His people awake (Amos 4) to return to His righteousness, and I call myself part of his people since the sheet vision and the conversion of Cornelius (Acts 10). I sincerely would not be displeased to find that there was some continuing sin in our lives that needed our attention. After all, Jesus promises that if we seek the Kingdom and seek God's righteousness, all the necessities of life would be added to us. He knows that I know this. Could the danger of poverty awaken me to the fact that i am not seeking his righteousness? The pain of struggling would do that, but as difficult as this time has been, it has still been true that we are well cared for by His providence. I'm not saying he starves us at all, only that God is fully aware that I already equate livelihood with righteousness. If He chose to send a message that way, He knows I would get it. Because I know I would get it, and He knows what I know.
There are more things to consider. For example, since being laid off I have been blessed to get more involved at church. This creates a real problem for me. While I someday hope to be a minister in the right capacity, something about going to ministry because I am unemployed feels weak. I guess I always thought I should overcome work, and become a minister in strength, not because I got laid off. But if God wanted me to reorient my life, this could be a way of sending a message. I do feel like I was not involved in the work of the kingdom while simply working as an electrician. Since such a life bore no fruit, maybe I lost it, to be disciplined and reoriented. STILL, it feels like a crap move to try to hop into ministry since I apparently can't hack it in the real world. That's not what happened, I was just layed off due to lack of work, but it still feels like it.
I could easily imagine something more grand coming out of this. My son's name is Benaiah, meaing YHWH builds up, or the Lord builds up. I named him that because I thought it was a strong fitting name, but part of it was that he was a total surprise. How OT is it to name your child after circumstances surrounding his birth, amiright? Me and Rachel had planned on living in a Motor home, sacrificing comfort and space, in order to produce more money then we spend to survive. I made a lot while an electrician living here. If that could have continued, I'd be doing great. I got laid off, and then two days later I had a son on the way. God made that happen. Not in a miraculous way, we did the work, but the timing was not our timing. Now we have a whole different life to plan for, and things have just been crazy. I've gotten to do jobs for people, I did some home improvement work for a few friends, and I got to spend time with my nephew, all of which felt timely and took care of money issues, and encouraged my soul. So it could be that I am just waiting for some grand thing to happen. All of this is planned for glory, not destruction. I don't know.
I don't think I have begun behaving too differently since moving here, so I've got kinda this Jobish "what the heck?" deal here. I'm still a sinner, don't get me wrong, but I live a posture of repentance, there is nothing left unrepented at the moment. I trust in Grace, and follow Christ the best I can, even if at times it is a crawl.
I got the opportunity to teach the Book of Ruth to middle school kids. Until volunteering I had no experience with them. There was the time I WAS one, and there is the way I glare at them as they swagger home from school cussing and littering. I hope it is not too dull when I explain the laws surrounding redemption of the land, (Lev 25:23) the welfare for poor and foreign (Lev 19:9-10) or the kinsman redeemer law (Deut 25:5-10) being the center of Ruth's drama.
It's tough to describe a love story which is so great when understood in its own terms, but so far from us in our modern culture. And never mind that I'll be talking to middle school kids about something their parents have probably never heard.
I guess I need to get on some activities or illustrations to keep them edu-tained.
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