Posts from around 2007 that don't embarrass me #4

Wherein thinking about my muscles leads to examining my fate

Much to my surprise, my muscles are growing.  Not really.  I'm not so caught up in myself that I must fix my image in order to feel like I am accomplishing something.  I am supposing however, that perhaps one day, I will be called to action, to take up the honorable cause of protecting a child, or perhaps a woman.  (really, and don't hate me, I believe a woman is much finer, and much more a a woman, when she does not take steroids, and does not have wild testosterone production in her body.)  I think this would be enough honor for my life.  If I could, say, give up my own self, for that of a helpless child, perhaps of a wonderful lass, I do believe that I would feel my life's purpose fulfilled.  I would need nothing else. 
I may very well WANT something else.  A wonderful marriage, perhaps.  Something like a billion kids, who all look like me and my life's love in small ways.  Maybe a relaxing number of years, wherein I feel comfortable in only my underwear, or maybe on a boat.  I should say I desire a girl who, with nothing to do on thursdays, learns to dance with me.  What type of dance?  Swing.  I should very well thank Amos for that revelation.   (2013 edit:  I am not cut out for it so far)
We could stop and make sure we are not so caught up in the troubles of life, that we cannot enjoy the grass, or the moon and stars.  Even the children playing "white trash tag" and "war", and building sandcastles at the park.  Sure they are evil down to their core nature, and our society that spares the rod, is spoiling it's children.  Yet, they are still adorable.  He still loves them, and He still carries them in his loving arms.  It's breathtaking knowledge. 

These things are still my desires, and not my needs.  I am not so concerned with myself, that I should work towards these desires, until I am sure I have a divine permission.  If I am to die the death of a martyr, I should not feel glad to condemn my offspring to foster homes, where they will not be taught properly, or loved like only a father can love them. 
Should I attain the title of "Father" someday, I would have it be more important than everything, on par with the love of my wife, although far below my love for my own Heavenly Father.  And in His love, my love would be a stark contrast to the worldy love of so many broken faithless couples. 
This I desire more than anything.  To love my wife, and my children.  To shower them with sparkling joy, a rich sorrow, a deep enduring faith, to which I will cultivate in their hearts a longing for our Lord that may surpass my own, so they may carry out our Father's will in their own bleak future.  Yet, this is only my desire. 
My need is simply this.  To protect.  To love.  To obey.  And perhaps, to die, in courage and honor, in the name of our Lord.
It is 11:52 on tuesday night, July 24, 2007.  With joy I wait patiently for what is next. 

(2013 edit:  In June I will have a son named Benaiah.)