It DID start to suck in the future (sort of). I got laid off (temporarily I hear) so for a little while now I have been out of work. And not just, "better find a job" out of work, but actually just stuck at home waiting to go back to my job. I went out for some jobs that are better than mine, but otherwise because we are able to make it on unemployment, It's been wiser to wait for my good job to come back.
This is weird. I have no money, but I'm not really being worthless. It's a humbling time in my life. Not only because I have nothing to boast about in myself, but also because it is clear that God has done this for a reason. We have more peace and joy on a day to day basis then we should. The time we've spent with the family is more meaningful than it has been. Unexplainable joy. There is substance to our lives in this period of weakness that doesn't fit. It sounds like something right out of an epistle. We are very thankful.
And the most uncanny part of it is how we found out we were going to have a child the very day after I got laid off. This was not planned, nor were we very careless. It was obviously... (maybe not obvious to everyone, but the kind of thing where my inner man knows and laughs) ...a message. God is our livelihood. He gives the job, He takes away. He opens the womb, He closes it.
I've also been given the opportunity to watch my Nephew Aaron as a kind of man nanny, and that has been a blessing. It's very fun to hang out with him, and between all the messes and fits it feels like great practice. I get to spend the days contributing which is good for my soul, and I get to be blessed in the process.
We've signed up for some government help, which feels weird. I certainly don't care to rely on it, but I do appreciate how the government has methods of helping people out. My political view isn't important here. What has been meaningful is the new world I've encountered. Being humbled to the point of needing to rely on government assistance (which once was anathema to you) is a certain way to tear down your own exalted image of yourself. I feel more compassion for the lowly, my people, who need help. I don't think that the current system is the best way to help, but again, that's beside the point. I know this is from God as well. Whatever I may have been proud of has been laid down. I'm no Job, and I'm not complaining, but I'm certain that this season has been a tremendous blessing to my spirit. I won't forget the lessons I've learned.
